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Our first nag of November is Merchandise. There have been some very questionable merchandise on sale over the past few years and I just can’t comprehend why people buy it, but some people do. I thought I would share a list of the pieces of merch that just blow my mind in either how bad they are or why people buy it.


Anyone who knows me, knows how much hatred I have for the gnomes that got released at Alton Towers. There were two types, Air and The Smiler. Now I have two main reasons why these are terrible. Number 1, They look terrible. I mean, they just aren’t well designed. The hats are painted and designed in just a way that it looks like its wearing a condom on its head. Number 2. Yes, I want to remember my trip to Alton Towers by purchasing a fucking gnome. I’m sorry, I just don’t get the logic. This is literally top of my hate list! (I do own a gnome but it was brought for me)

Things From Rides

I didn’t know what else to call it. This includes wheels, wood and the stuff that come from the actual rides that some places actually sell. This is more of a “I don’t understand why anyone would want to own it” one. The wheels from Blackpool are a perfect example, and one i’m going to use. Why would you pay X amount for a wheel that you can’t really do anything with except use it as a giant paper weight. Same with the wood from Wicker Man. I could literally recreate it for less than what they cost!

The Giant Mugs

This one is different. There is nothing wrong with a lot of the giant mugs. The artwork on them is quite lovely and they are usually reasonably priced. But who on earth needs a mug that can hold about 2 litre’s of beverage. Does anyone actually drink that much in one sitting? If you do than fair play, buy this mug, but the average person doesn’t and its just way too much and way to pointless.

Medals and Trophies

Again, this is one I don’t really understand. I get that parents may use them as bribes to get their children to experience some of the bigger rides that parks may offer, but surely a better souvenir would be an on ride photo. To me it just feels like a bit of tat.

Souvenir Money

The creative mind who invented this is an evil genius. Its pointless, a waste of money and quite frankly its the biggest rip off. Its ridiculous how many people would actually spend money on it. Every park has so much better merch than fake money. If you are an avid collector of all theme park merchandise, than this is probably something you will want to collect, but I just don’t see the interest.

Huge Soft Toys

This one isn’t really theme park merchandise, but its related. A lot of the games stalls offer these humongous toys as prizes. You’ve seen them, the cuddly toy that is about 10ft tall or the giant ball that’s about the size of a mini roundabout. I don’t get the appeal of trying to win one. And if you do win one, you’ve then got to carry it around with you and then you’ve got to find room in the car for the journey back and on top of all that, you’ve then got to find somewhere for it to go. I mean, its just a no!

So those are the bits of theme park merchandise that either pisses me of or I just don’t understand why they exist. It is all about personal preference though as this list is purely my own personal hatred. Do you agree with any on my list?

*Images taken from Chessington, Alton Towers and Europa park online shop websites


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